[263] Love Wins: Navigating Conflict with Your Child

This month on the Real Happy Mom Podcast, we’re doing something special! I’m sharing some of the most powerful moments from the 2025 Let’s Get More Time Virtual Summit—so if you missed it (or just need a mid-year reset), you’re in for a treat.

In each episode, you’ll hear from expert speakers who share simple, practical ways to help you take back your time, build routines that actually work, and finally feel like you’re not always playing catch-up.

Want the full experience? You can grab the Let’s Get More Time 2025 Recordings PLUS two powerhouse bonuses:

• 💻 The Home Management Trellotastic Power Pack (valued at $67) — a done-for-you Trello system to keep your home life running smoothly
• 📓 The Ultimate Habit Journal (valued at $27) — your guide to building and sticking with habits, even when life is busy

All of this for just $17 — no fluff, just the tools that work.

👉🏽 Grab it now at realhappymom.com/moretime

Let’s help you get more time, more peace, and more control—starting today.

Transcript

Toni-Ann: 0:01

Hey, and welcome to the Real Happy Mom Podcast. This month on the Real Happy Mom Podcast, we're doing something special. I'm sharing some of my most powerful moments from the 2025 Let's Get More Time Virtual Summit. So if you missed it or you just need a mid-year, reset your in for a treat. In each episode this month, you're going to hear from experts who share simple, practical ways to help you take back your time, build routines that actually work, and finally feel like you're not always playing catch up. If you want the full experience, you can grab the Let's Get More Time 2025 recordings plus two powerhouse bonuses, which include the Home Management, Trellotastic Power Pack, which is a done for you Trello system to help you keep your home running smoothly. And the Ultimate Habit Journal, which is your guide to building and sticking with habits even when life gets busy you can get all the recordings plus those bonuses in a workbook, all for just$17 during this month. This is a toolkit that has all the tools that are actually gonna work for you. So you can go ahead and grab it at realhappymom.com/moretime. Now let's help you get more time, more peace, and more control starting today.

1:20

Hello there and welcome. My name is Latasha Kennedy and I am beyond excited to be here with you today. I hope you're ready to have your parenting game completely transformed, because today I'm going to be discussing some concepts and strategies that can help you navigate conflict with your kids. Before we get started, I wanna share a little about me. I'm a wife of 20 years to the same gorgeous, amazing man I fell in love with when we were late teens. Together. We're raising two sons who are 17 and 11, and I just love my kids so much. My boys are rambunctious. They are wild at heart. They're sweet, they're smart, but they're crazy. My kids have so much energy, they have so much to say and contribute to any given situation. So they really keep me and my husband on our toes with no. Like sign of letting up on us anytime soon. I know firsthand what it takes, like the bandwidth, the capacity, the thoughtfulness, the patience, you know, and the prayers to navigate the ups and downs of raising kids. And when there's a season of conflict, of just ongoing battles in the home. It can really suck the air and the joy out of the room. So trust me, I've certainly been there. I have had my own seasons of conflict in my home that I've had to navigate, but today is a different day because I come to you with good news and to let that there is hope. It doesn't have to be this way. And in fact, when we approach those challenging moments with love, wisdom, and the right tools, we can actually strengthen our bond with our kids in really incredible ways. The way we handle conflict sends a powerful message not just to our kids, but to ourselves as well. Are we going to react in a way that pushes them away, leaving them feeling isolated, embarrassed, or even demeaned? Or are we going to create an environment where they feel heard, respected, and empowered to work through challenges in a healthy way? I don't know about you, but the second option is the name of the game for me. I. Because when we lead with love and understanding, we open the door for our kids to really communicate with us. We create a space for reasoning and teaching and reinforcing the family rules and expectations, and ultimately the consequences that are fair and appropriate. What I'm sharing with you today is intentional authoritative parenting that is positive and that keeps the long-term growth and development of your child in mind. This is about raising resilient, confident children that are able to go out in the world, live wherever they want, do the work, their purpose to do, and to do it well and with excellence. And in order to do that, we as their parents have to show up willing to. Put a stake in the ground and say, I am your mom. And so as a result of that, here lies what the expectations are. Here lies how you can anticipate how I will respond. Here's how I'll hold myself accountable. To dealing with you even during difficult times. And in doing that, you're able to build a relationship with your child over time that is steeped in trust. Our kids need to know that if no one fights for them, if no one advocates for them, that their parents will, and not because they're just sweet and cute and they they're ours, but because we wanna be on the right side of the story as it relates to our children. And if our children are wrong, and if our children do require, you know, the consequence that we will walk with them and support them in that as well. I. Okay, so my mission today is to equip you with the tools and strategies to navigate conflict with your children, with love and grace, and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships within your family. Today we're going to explore how to handle conflicts that are come up and within your home. But the foundation of it all is building a bond with your child that's rooted in consistent love, affirmation and encouragement. And when your kids know that without a shadow of a doubt that they are cherished and supported no matter what, that's when real transformation in the family happens. So I want you to take some time to close down those tabs on your computer. Put down your phone. Grab a notebook, take some notes so that you can write those down to revisit, because by the end of our time together, you'll have strategies that you can use to really help you to navigate some of the toughest parenting moments with your children with grace and confidence. Alright, so let's get started. I actually wanna start with a story because I think that. One of the things I love about motherhood is when we gather, we get to really share some awesome stories. I think some of my favorite stories are from moms. So the story I wanna share with you is a story that took place in 2020. It was during the time of COVID when my kids had to, you know, come out out of school and be homeschooled. And so they were always home together, you know, and my kids went to the same school. My oldest son, Elijah was, uh, at the time in middle school. And Jojo, my youngest was in first grade. He was finishing first grade. And so. Because they had similar friends. They would when their day was over, they loved to play Fortnite together fr with their friends. And when I say their friends, I really mean my youngest son had adopted his bro older brother's friends. So it was Josiah playing with Elijah's friends. Okay. And Josiah just had a ball just playing with his friends and you know, enjoying time with them. And he didn't so much enjoy. Game time with his brother because his brother was super competitive and you know, was always winning. And Josiah has always hated to lose and so they would often file cry. He would be so upset that he lost. And I was always trying to referee those conflicts. And Elijah would continue to ask, Josiah, would you like to play with me? And Josiah would continue to turn him down, or he would, you know, maybe one out of 10 times when he is asked to play would say, yes. He would lose, he would cry. We, that whole thing, right? And so Josiah just started to consistently say, no, thank you. Yeah. No, I don't wanna play. No, I don't wanna play. And they were outside playing one day and one thing led to another. And before I know it, my kids are tussling. They're fighting, they're yelling at each other, they're upset. And I am like, I've had enough, like what is going on? So I call them in, they can barely tell me what's going on because they're both so upset. So I put them in their respective, you know, places to just go to Cool down. And I tell my husband, listen, when you come home, we have to, we we're gonna have to figure out something so that we can try to help the kids get back on track. So he comes home and he wanted to explore this approach that he learned in one of our favorite books by Stephen Covey called Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And this particular habit was Seek first to understand. And so there's a story told about a Native American tribe where the chief would have a talking stick and before he would pass on the talking stick, someone had to be able to share with him what he said and demonstrate that they understood not just what he said, but what he meant, right? And so we took a page out of this book and we grabbed one of the stuff, animals. And we gave it to Elijah, for Elijah to be able to share his feelings about what was going on. And then we would ask Josiah and Josiah, do you understand what your brother said? And this sort of went on for an hour to really get clarity because so often when we we're dealing with our, our friends, or especially our family, and especially our kids, we're not always listening. To what's being said. And so then we end up responding in a, to a statement that was not made or to a question that was not asked. And so when we seek first to understand, we are able to glean clarity from the person who's talking to us. And so often what we have done and, and what we did in that moment was to tell Elijah to say. So what I hear you saying is, and then to repeat exactly what his brother said, Josiah, what you will say is what I hear you saying is, and then to repeat what Elijah said, and we were so surprised at how that helped them get on the same plane. And for Elijah to realize from his brother Josiah, that it is not as, hi, it's, it was not his intent to hurt his feelings or to make him feel less than. He just doesn't always enjoy playing with him because he hates to lose. And for it Josiah to understand that his brother does love him and enjoys playing with him. He just has to win some time in order for this to be fun, right? And so that conversation that we had at the time of this reporting, which was about five years ago, has really helped put our sons on a trajectory to be able to communicate with each other in a way that's incredibly effective. And so even though they are not absolved fully of ever having a conflict, they do have the tools now to be able to resolve those conflicts. Through effective communication. And so I tell you that story because I want you to be in the mindset of laying a foundation where you position yourself to listen. I. To really hear from your kids, to really understand what it is that they're saying, and to listen enough to even hear what they're not saying, so that you can ask the pertinent questions that will help you get to the bottom of whatever the conflict is that you guys are navigating at that time. Okay, so now with that story in mind, I like to discuss some key principles that will guide you through conflict filled moments. There's some groundwork that we can lay ahead of time to make those challenging moments much easier. Essentially, we want to be on the offense and lay a foundation with our kids that is based heavily in one thing and that one thing is love. It's not performance, not grades, not how well they cleaned their room, not whether or not they ate all their vegetables, not if they listened to their teacher. None of that. Only love. Love for who they are. Love for the way they laugh, love for the joy they bring, right? It's proactive and it's unconditional. And affirmations like these, especially for mom, when you're intentionally pouring into your kids with words of love and encouragement, day in and day out, have a profound. Impact on your kids. When you look your kids in the eyes and you tell them that you're proud of them for being brave, that you're pleased, impressed by how they handled a situation. These things are so impactful. Recently, I told my kids how much I love picking them up at three o'clock. And it was my oldest son who stopped everything and looked at me and said, really? And I said, yes. And he said, why? I said, because I love that when you get in the car, you're either one of two ways. You're either hungry and silent, which I know, and I take you to get something to eat, or you're completely chatty, ready to tell me everything. Have a full rant about all the things that happened that blew your mind. And it's my favorite part of the day. It's the part of the day I am unwilling to negotiate with others. And so I communicated that to my kids because I want them to know how much I enjoy being their mother. And so, because I know that conflict is inevitable and that things could happen, that could cause us to have to sit at the kitchen table and work things out. I want those conflicts. To be bathed in love. And so when things are going great, I am intentional about telling my children how much I love them because when you do that, you build a, a solid foundation of unconditional love in the home, and it really does change everything. So when your kids really know in the depths of their hearts that your love for them isn't based on their performance or their perfection, but simply on the fact that you are their mama, that changes the game. It means that when conflict does arise, and it will, they will feel secure enough to really open up and communicate, which is inevitably what you want. Right. So in order to get what you want, you have to do a little bit of work on the front end. And of course, I know like as moms, I'm sure you're already telling your child, I love you. This isn't just so much about passing, I love you. This is those moments when your kid is like searching for a snack and you give them a hug and tell them, I really love your smile. Have I told you that lately? You smell so good, right? Just things that are them. It's about them, their character, the things that make them shine. I've seen my children light up just from me telling them, I just think you're amazing. I'm just so happy that I get to be your mom. Right? It changes everything for a child. They know your love isn't going anywhere no matter what, and then for you, you get to approach these moments with wisdom, with firmness. And most importantly, grace. You don't have to whisper or tiptoe, like I said earlier. In fact, standing your ground and enforcing family rules is essential, but you also don't have to resort to yelling insults. And I think having ground rules in the home in terms of how we communicate is also very important. For example, in my family, there is no walking away when someone's talking. When anyone is speaking, it is expected that eye contact is made, and so I don't want you looking at the floor when I'm talking to you, right? We make eye contact. We also don't use inappropriate language. We don't curse at our children. We don't expect our children to be cursing at us. There's no slamming doors. There's no yelling at the top of your lungs. There's no insults thrown. Okay? We can have a conversation about what is going on and what the frustrations and the challenges are, um, between the parties without walking away from this feeling as mom, I might feel that way because you're just not listening. You know, I feel like you're just totally taking advantage of all the resources, but seriously. It doesn't have to be that way. Setting ground rules in the times when there are no challenges when you're just having dinner, when it's like you guys, I really, I really think we could probably do a better job of communicating during some difficult times and sharing the things that have gone off the cliff a little bit when you are in the midst of a conflict setting. Ground rules, you know, these are the things that we're gonna do so that we always honor each other. Because we're a family. I love you. I know you love us, and I want that to always be known because the conflict will pass. But what doesn't often pass is what you said and what you said that may have been demeaning or insulting. And so you just don't wanna take it there because your kids, they don't forget. You know? They don't forget. I wanna review some of the takeaways from what I've shared. Number one, focus on the relationship. I know it's tempting to just want to win the argument in the heat of the moment, but I really want you to take a step back and remember what's truly important, preserving the lifelong bond with you and your kid. Okay? The battle may be momentary, but the relationship is forever. Little Timmy is so upset that he can't have a cookie. And for the last 15 days you have been telling your child that he cannot have the cookie before dinner and he is not hearing you. He's just not hearing you. Right. And so you can blow a gasket really from the repetitive nature and feeling like your child is just trying to like wear you down. So that he can win, right? And so sometimes in the effort to just shut the child down, we break their spirit. And I'm urging you not to do that, to find another way to offer another, uh, recourse. Whether it be, listen, babe, this is the last time you and I are gonna have this conversation, okay? Mommy said no, mommy means no. And even if you ask me tomorrow. If you ask me next week, if you ask me 20 years from now, it's still gonna be no. Okay, so I need you to put the cookie down now. If you yell, if you scream, if you crumble this cookie on the floor and make a million pieces for mommy to pick up, guess what? You are picking it up. We're gonna go get that little broom over there and you're gonna pick up all the million pieces while mommy goes. Sits down, right? That's intentional, that's authoritative, and that says, don't mess with me kid. Do not mess with me. Okay? And when you do it enough, they understand that you mean business and you tend to be able to shut down issues a lot sooner than just, you know, bribing or. Saying or, or just getting upset and yelling and just telling the kid to get outta your face. Okay, number two, empathy and understanding before you jump to conclusions or start dishing out consequences. Take a deep breath and try to see things from your child's perspective. What might be triggering this behavior? What big emotions are they struggling to process? Approach with an open heart and a listening ear. So that just goes back to that story that I was telling you, where you seek first to understand and to really glean from the situation what you're hearing, what you're not hearing, what is going on with your kid, and in all of it, to put a stake in the ground and let that kid know you are loved. I know that this is tough. I know that this is frustrating. But I'm here and I really wanna understand what's going on because I really wanna help. So let me ask you this. Are you saying this? Are you saying that, and based on the answers, be able to build out a conversation that for both of you feels authentic and organic, and that keeps the door open for your child. Clear communication is next.

Toni-Ann: 22:38

Now that does it for this episode of The Real Happy Mom Podcast. Make sure you head over to realhappymom.com/moretime to listen to this full presentation as well as the other recordings, plus some really great bonuses. Okay, and check back next week for another one of the great presentations from the Let's Get More Time Summit. Take care, and with lots of love.